Jay Thomas

A letter to Jay (Sun 16th Feb)

It's been 5 days since you died and I see you everywhere around me.

In the dog poo that's missing, In the empty food bowl that I can't put away yet, In the park when I go walking, Your hair still all around the house and backyard and even on the pink top I wore the day you died…I have not washed it yet. Coming home and you're no longer at the gate, Getting up in the morning to pat and feed and brush you, The feel of you sitting by my side as I do the normal daily things.

How remarkable that your tail never stopped wagging happily and your eyes never lost that adoration and acceptance that always reflected back at me. The emotional vulnerability I feel now that you're not beside me, How did you do it? Becoming so wise and motherly so young?

You never missed an event. There for my wedding, my pregnancies (I'm sure without you to exercise with I would have become a whale!), the holidays away, the home coming of both my children and all the sagas and dramas along the way.

You were there when I held my child in my arms as she struggled to breathe and the horror and battle of trying to keep her alive amidst her screams of pain and all the hospital stays ..I could come home to you, And you would give so much when I could give so little in return. As our child struggled to live you were the stability that kept things normal. And then during the seizures your uncanny ability to walk around in circles outside her room in warning of what was coming. (How did you do that?)

And just between you and me…the night you were God's messenger I'll never forget.

You, Jay, were my companion, my protector, my exercise partner, my self esteem builder, the truest friend possible… What about the fun times - the laughter you gave my husband and I, the joy of playing with you, training you and the utter essence of life you had as you jumped, dug, climbed, rolled, fetched and hid. Remember all the swims? Every day along we went and you were the champion of the river! You were our gift!

Always sincere, always forgiving and accepting and oh, so knowing. You didn't just restrict your love to me, but gave to my family - teaching my children so much more than I could ever have.

Last night there was a thunder storm and I awoke to let you inside. I know how you hate thunder. It took a minute to realize you didn't need me to let you in . You weren't there. I cried myself back to sleep praying that you would send me a sign, a dream - anything. And you did…not a distressed nightmare but a beautiful dream from a very old friend and you were so real, so happy….you were running around pain free - no cancer, no blood - just you with your golden locks flowing and your perpetual smile still there and ….those eyes….just magic. (Thank you!)

Jay - you were and still are my golden Guardian Angel with a tail.

Lisa Thomas

(In loving memory of Jay - our Golden Retriever )

( Lived 5th Feb 1990 - 11th Feb 2003)